Beautiful Butts

Let's give it to Jonathan Wild. If you hadn’t already noticed, we have a problem. Forget Brexit and the collapse of the political system - the biggest threat to life as we know it is the increasing pressures on our finite water supplies. Something that we take for granted as a limitless resource is now on the endangered list, along with the Tory party and diesel cars... and, for us poor gardeners, it’s going to mean some major adjustments. Our green and pleasant land is facing a gradual evolution to something akin to a Mediterranean landscape, more suitable for olives and figs than a traditional herbaceous border. 

This all sounds fine and dandy as long as you are prepared for the inevitable drought conditions and hose pipe bans. Which is why you are going to thank me for encouraging you to examine your butt situation before it’s too late....
These days you can stick your butt just about anywhere. Gone are the days when water butts were hidden from view or cunningly disguised as something more aesthetically pleasing – now it is both fashionable and incredibly eco-friendly to flaunt your butt... or even butts if you are lucky enough to have more than one! Every roof surface, whether it’s your house or the garden shed, is a potential source of rainwater and should be exploited as such. 

Why on earth would you want this free resource to go straight down the drain rather than into your handily positioned butt? By diverting some of this run-off to your water butt, you are also helping contribute to flood protection as well as drought-proofing your gardening activities. The other amazing benefit is that rainwater is like champagne to plants as it doesn’t contain all the chemicals and E numbers that tap water does – it’s just a straightforward nature’s elixir!

Of course, you could just go with the flow – so to speak – and embrace the new opportunities that
our changing climate brings with it. We seem to have already discovered that plants which traditionally had to be over-wintered in frost-free places (with a lot of rigmarole), flowers such as Dahlias and Gladiolus, can now be left in the garden with a reasonable amount of certainty that they will emerge again the following spring. I have even been relatively successful with some bedding Geraniums which survived last winter – although admittedly they are looking extremely shabby and will eventually be put out of their (and my) misery with a replacement crop in the next week or two.

Olive trees are pretty tough cookies and can be safely planted in UK gardens – and, surprisingly, some citrus varieties can now hack it in sheltered spots. Have a try with the lovely Lemon ‘Meyer’s variety’ which, when not festooned with proper lemons, (perfect for an al fresco G&T) has the most amazingly scented flowers. I’ve had one for over 20 years and it has survived droughts, frosts and general abuse and always produced a crop sufficient to satisfy a moderate (!) drinker. To add to the Mediterranean feel, you could underplant your olive or citrus trees with fragrant cistus and lavenders, or even scented-leaved geraniums to give you a perfect drought resistant border.

Having a handy butt will give the plants a pick me up during heatwaves, but all these plants can take a pretty harsh environment so even a British super-summer isn’t going to kill them off. Even our perfectly-striped green lawns, which transmogrify into patchy brown carpets during high summer, normally spring back into life in autumn – although, for an increasing number of homeowners this is too much to bear and they have replaced their crowning glory with a plastic version which will always stay green - even when the dog pees on it. Not everyone’s cup of tea (the artificial turf, not the pee) but it serves a purpose, particularly if you can’t or don’t want to be a member of the Butt Appreciation Society...